pantyhose

After I shave my legs and flour them, with baby powder that is, and moisturize the hell out of them, and I open a brand new pair of pantyhose, so begins the stretching ritual. You know what I'm talking about, you have to take each leg and carefully stretch it out as far as it will go, and then stretch each leg sideways, hopefully avoiding snagging them in the process with your fingernails or a callous on your fingers.

 And then once that's done, the legs are still not stretched out enough, but what can you do? You have to carefully roll up each leg, still stretching them sideways as you do it, and slide them over your toes, hopefully your toenails have been clipped, and pull each leg up. Sure it's a struggle at first, the nylon is too tight, and you just want to yank them up your legs, but you can't. You have to be oh so gentle with these puppies, or else you'll snag the hell out of them, or rip them.

 And so after struggling to get your nylons pulled up, you'll probably notice a few snags in the thighs usually. What no snags yet? Well just wait, as you watch snags will magically form right before your eyes. It's inevitable. Microscopic pieces of stubble, and dry flakes of skin will pick and pull and the nylon fabric. So theres a few snags in your hose, no big deal right? Just as long as there are no runs. 

 But now you want to get dressed and your clothes are in another room. What? You want to walk across the floor in your bare nylon clad feet? That's just asking for trouble. I've ruined more nylons this way, Little things in the carpet, or a stray nail, will catch the nylon and rip a hole in it, you can almost bet on it. And the hole is usually in the heel, so before you can even say nail polish, there's a run zipping up the back of your leg. Even if you only have to walk a few feet, disaster will strike. So what can you do? Walk on your tiptoes very carefully like a ballet dancer, that's what I usually do.

After wearing my pantyhose all day and if luck has been with me, they will still be intact, with a minimum of snaggage and zero runs, I have to wash them by hand. Putting them in the washer will ruin them, and putting them in the dryer will shrink them, so in the sink the go, and I hang them up in the shower to dry them.

And after they are dry they are ready to wear once more. The only difference this time in putting them on, is that they are all stretched out, meaning that they glide on smoothly and fit more comfortably then they did when they were new. But it's then that I will snag them on something and rip a huge hole in them, and have to start all over again, breaking in a new pair of pantyhose. Why can't pantyhose just come pre-stretched right out of the package? 

Photo by Sly_Ange

pantyhoselegs

 So I was sitting here in my recliner chair this morning, with my pantyhose on of course, and nothing else, no shirt no bra no nothing, absolutely naked except my tan pair of pantyhose! Hey I wear pantyhose 24/7 and at night when I get home from work and I'm all alone, I strip off my uniform and my bra right down to my pantyhose and I walk around the house the rest of the night that way, and I sleep that way and when I get up in the morning I stay like that until I need to get dressed for work.

But still it does have it's drawbacks. Like this morning, a day like any other day right? Wrong! It started out all right, till I was drinking my morning cup of coffee, and while I was balancing the cup on the arm of my chair, some mysterious force knocked it off the arm and right into my lap! I mean I only set it down for a minute just to pick up my newspaper off the floor, and then Wham! A whole cup of coffee in my lap! What did I do to deserve that?

And did it burn? You betcha, it hurt like a S.O.B! My pantyhose might have protected my legs from being scalded. There were some red patches on my legs, but nothing permanent thank goodness! And so after screaming at the op of my voice, I cleaned up the coffee on my legs with a cold wet dish cloth, and made myself another cup of coffee, this second cup I actually got to drink. Then I got dressed, my legs still smelling of coffee, and then went off to work. I took a shower when I got home, and washed my pantyhose out, and hung them up to dry, all in all it wasn't a really bad day, except…

pantyhosecoffeeburn

Photo by superfantastic

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